Just say what you mean, right?

You come from a country where people often say what they mean straight forward. Such directness is often seen as uncivilized in Canada. You have to adjust to that.

It is definitely still the English influence in Canada to actually say nothing with many words but still appear friendly, personable and polite. This way you largely avoid confrontation and disagreements.

The "feel-good" society is all-encompassing. All the easy and courteous words should make you happy, but it should also make your conversation partner happy. Everyone happy with a constant smile.

Some people become anxious about this after a while. Does this really have to be this way; can't you just say what you mean?

The imposed politeness sometimes seems a bit false. What do people actually mean when they try to be so courteous?

The most famous example of false courtesy is the endlessly uttered question of "How are you doing". As is well known, people do not want to know how you are doing; this is just a politeness formula.

But there are so many examples. Even people you talked to at length during an event and who were really smooth, fun and friendly - but when you meet them tomorrow, they won't even recognize you anymore.

An implied invitation to start a friendship often turns out to be just a speech formula without any substance.

If a Canadian says to you "we should have lunch some time" or it could also be coffee or a visit to the pub, it means nothing. That lunch, coffee or whatever, usually nothing comes of it. Maybe the invitation was just a polite way to end the conversation?

Politeness even goes so far that you often receive a rejection of an application in the mildest terms. Although they were very impressed by blah blah blah, they still decided...

Some immigrants pick up the insincere politeness easily, but for others it just doesn't work.

But polite, isn't that a good thing?

Acting politely is a great starting point. Hardly anyone likes to deliberately offend others, but opinions differ as to whether insincere politeness is really so productive.


Anyway, some people love it and others run away screaming when confronted with what they see as an exaggerated expression of politeness.


But what about friendships and such?
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